Usually, I try and wait until an issue I am dealing with has resolved or I have a plan or strategy for attack before I share with you babes exactly what has been going on in my life. I do this so that when I share with you all and use this platform to share my life, experiences, and insight, I actually feel like I have something valuable to share, rather than using this blog as a place to vent or a diary of my stresses and challenges. So this post may be a little different, mostly because I've realized that I can't be as real as I want to be if I don't share my challenges as I experience them and also because I don't know what to share with you all if I can't be 100% honest about what my day to day is like.
So first, change is hard for me. I am so excited about this new chapter I am starting with my career, but change also gives me a lot of anxiety. This anxiety then permeates into different areas of my life and affects me and my relationships in ways that on the surface seem completely unrelated and at times I don't even recognize that it's happening until I take a giant step back and look at my life big picture and with wide lens. I know that after a few weeks (or hopefully a few days) I will feel settled, comfortable and confident in this new position and lose this feeling of uncertainty and nervousness about this big change, but for now I'm really just doing my best to stay calm, cool, collected and excited about everything that is happening. However, even with this anxiety about a big life change, I know making this change is for the best in so many ways and that it was time to push out of my comfort zone and challenge myself in new and exciting ways (a lot of conflicting emotions, trust me, I know).
My body has changed a lot in the past few months and sometimes I look in the mirror and I genuinely don't feel like I recognize myself anymore. As you all know, I injured by left shoulder last fall and this injury forced me to take a major step back from my workouts. This change, combined with less than ideal eating habits (hello constant stress snacking and the desire for dessert every night) and my body just naturally changing with age, caught up to me faster than I even realized. Now don't get me wrong, I know there is absolutely nothing wrong with my body or its shape and I am not looking to start any sort of discussion on ideal body image, etc. but for me by body has changed and my "idea" of what my body looks like is no longer inline with what it actually looks like and that is something that has been hard for me. Even more challenging is that my body is not performing the way I think it should perform either. I know that working back from an injury takes time, but in order to be as real as possible with you guys, I need to say that this has been really hard for me and has also led to a lot of stress surrounding my body, its shape, and its capabilities. This is something that I am working on everyday and I look forward to reflecting back on this down the road with insight I can share with you all.
But outside of these two areas, life is good and that is something that needs to be shared and talked about too. At this point in my life, I am surrounded by a community of friends and family so amazing that I never even could have imagined that this would be my life a few short years ago. This community supports me, challenges me, loves me, and pushes me every day and has given me a sense of self, identity and confidence I have never had before and this is truly the biggest blessing. So much so that I feel I can share something like this with TSC community. I hope in reading this you can relate in some way, realize that no matter what persona we put out into the world we all have our own issues going on behind the scenes, and that you are never alone in the struggles that you may face. Happy Monday loves!